I didn't plan to discuss romantic relationships on my blog. Not that I dislike the subject. I absolutely love everything about love, but my thoughts on relationships can really overwhelm someone. Even myself. Love is easy. Relationship...now that's a different story. So, the conversation about the subject doesn't always come too easy for me.
But I recently read Hill Harper's, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships (2009). His book made me realize the importance of discussing relationships, especially within the Black community. Hill wasn't claiming to be an expert on relationships, but he realized that relationships and marriages of today do not have the same substance and longevity of those of older generations (we knew that already, right?). Following the discovery, he started researching what has caused our relationships issues--deep-rooted distrust, erroneous assumptions and stereotypes, and fear. Unlike most books (which I WILL NOT NAME), Hill wasn't just instructing the woman on her role in understanding, loving (and tolerating) the male species. He was focused on getting men and women to open up to each other in order to rebuild the state of the Black relationship. I appreciated the fact that he placed the responsibility of the relationship and its issues on both men and women. Following interviews, observations, various discussions and such, he concluded that the best way to grow together, men and women must have a conversation with each other in order to better understand and resolve our issues. A simple conclusion one may say, but it's difficult especially when men and women allow the issues to control (or hinder) the conversation. We have to trust each other enough to be honest and vulnerable.
Hill explored the anticipation of meeting someone, determining what role the person would play in your life, dating, and the many hurdles you'd face depending on the baggage the other person brings into the relationship. Hill personalized the book by sharing his fears, mistakes, and budding relationship. In my opinion, he touched on everything a relationship could face! But don't take my word for it...I think if you haven't heard about the book or read it, it's worth a shot regardless of what stage you're in within your relationship (or lack thereof).
Let me stop here...whew*
--DJ
D, I absolutely loved Hill's book! Instead of using the text to resolve relationship issues, I like the idea of having regular conversations throughout the dating process. As one is getting to know the person they're dating, they can determine if they share the same thoughts on relationships, where compromise may be required, or if they are actually compatible. After reading the book for myself, I realized how the lack of thoughtful conversations in my previous relationships contributed to their ultimate failure.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right! The dating period is the most crucial time for those convos. At least then you can make necessary determinations of whether to grow with the person or cut ties before time is wasted!
Deletei really believe the conversations strengthen the relationship and solidify the friendship aspect of it too. It encourages the effort to sustain the relationship, whereas without the conversations, someone is likely to give up.
Thank you for your thoughtful post!