The Best Decision Ever (annnnnd Happy Four Year Naturalversary to me)!

I.  Love.  My.  Hair.
Enough said.

2 years post-BC

I officially started transitioning back in April of 2009.  I entertained the idea of going natural my first year of college in 2006, but I started the process in April 2009.  I do not miss the creamy crack (Yes, Lord).

Going natural was a knowledgeable decision for me.  The natural look was very attractive of course, but when it comes to hair styles, I can be very fickle.  So b
efore the plunge, I researched other women's journeys.  I wanted to know why--if not just for the style--do women "go natural." I came across a variety of reasons, but for most women, they wanted to embrace the hair God blessed them with.  These were women who had gotten relaxers because it made their hair more manageable, and the long, silky locks made them more "attractive."  The women had reached a point in their lives where they wanted to cut the ties to society's definition of beauty and embrace their own.

At that time in my life, that spoke volumes.  I was attracted to rebellion!  But I learned it was still so much more to it than that.  I researched why women had relaxers--going back to that societal definition of beauty, conservatism, assimilation, and merely manageability--which lead to the history of relaxers...I can get very literary here, but let me just sum it up: black hair was unattractive, unkempt, and unacceptable.  In efforts for black women to receive a pinch of acceptance from non-Blacks or even their own black brothers and sisters, hair needed to be straight.  The straighter the hair, the lighter the skin, the better you are, and most likely to be half-way accepted.  Straightening methods became extreme, in addition to skin-bleaching methods.  Relaxers were the best way to earn some sense of humanly respect.

After the history lesson, I researched the effects and dangers of relaxers.  Experts have linked relaxers to alopoecia, migraines and other health ailments.  After realizing there wasn't much difference between an adult relaxer and my "kiddie perms," I said, "uhn, uhn." Done-ditty with that.  I just couldn't find the worth in that.

Creamy Crack

Now, let me tell you, I had beautiful, relaxed hair (check the pic to the left--I think I was transitioning here).  Blowing in the wind, face-framing, fully layered, attractive locks.  I knew that would be no longer, and I was ok with that.  So in Fall of 2008, I dropped relaxers from my lifestyle.  I did; however, continue to flat iron and roller set my hair. I put my hair through some trauma.  In April of 2009, I reverted, and got what I knew would be my last relaxer.

My hair started shedding (I won't say breaking...I will not claim that...but, yea) profusely.  My ends were thinning, but my hair at the roots was thick! I didn't realize I was damaging my hair.  For whatever reason, I thought this was normal.  I didn't know that I had to treat my natural roots and relaxed ends the same way.  Dealing with two textures became very difficult.

The infamous bob

I wound up cutting my hair into a very cute bob.  I.  Miss.  My.  Bob (check the pic to the right lol).  I wasn't fully natural at that point, so I decided as I transitioned to maintain the bob to get me to an all natural state....but here I was, flat ironing my hair every day.  Let someone BREATHE their moist breath on my hair, I was somewhere ready to flat iron.  My hair looked perfect, but I was training my hair to be permanently straight!! Foolish.

MY Big Chop

As the bob got better and prettier, my natural curly hair became straighter.  In May 2011, I cut my fully natural hair off! It was MY big chop.  I specify MY because it wasn't your typical BC.  I left a lot of length in the front, but the back was cut as short as I could go without having to have it shaved.  Thinking back, I wish I would've just gradually cut my straight hair off, but I didn't know much about protective styling outside of weaves, and my hair wasn't in the condition to wear curly.


The short cut was great, especially for my confidence.  I had never had hair that short before, and when worn naturally, I thought I looked like a boy...with a hot hair cut.  That's when I started learning about protective styles.  I had my weaves, twists, Bantu knots, and even a half wig.  I started paying more attention to my hair products, and adjusted as necessary.  I (re) fell in love with my hair.  I literally watched it grow.

Now, my hair is the business.  It's long, meaning big, and it's healthy--which is the most important.

I'm going to name my hair one day

I really have a relationship with my hair.  I talk to my hair.  I treat it the way I want it to treat me.  We are good!  I haven't wanted to change a thing about my hair.  For anyone who knows me, I love to change my hair.  I can have a weave to my butt, braids, an afro, a twist out...I can want to shave my head most days (just to see how I'd look).  But one thing will never change.  It's natural state.  As the title so perfectly states, this has been the best decision ever.

--DJ

If You Haven't Seen "Temptation"...Don't Read This...

Opening night, Asia, Chris, and I went to see "Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor."  I must say it was a good movie, but I wasn't impressed (sorry, TP).

***And again, if you have not seen this movie and have plans to, please don't read this.  I will ruin it for you.***

Anywhoo, let's begin with the good: the message was clear. All of the typical "anti-cheating" cliches went through my mind while watching--"the 80/20 rule," "All things that glitter ain't gold," "When someone shows you who they really are, believe them"--and every saying in between.  TP and the team were true to the message.  Judith (Jurnee) had her 80% with Brice (Lance), but Harley (Robbie) showed her that oh-so-sexy 20%, and Judith was out like a light. 

Let's examine the differences in these men.
Brice was great, but he got too comfortable.  Judith's future endeavors weren't top priority.  Brice didn't remember Judith's birthday (second year in a row). Brice was consumed with work.  Brice failed to make Judith feel protected and wanted.  Brice. Brice. Brice (smh).  At the peak of comfort, in walks super sexy, swaggerific Harley, with his big money (enough to buy Judith's endeavors gift-wrapped--HELLO), spontaneity, attentiveness, and animal-like desire and willingness to "protect."  Miss Judith, Southern-bred and naive, denied...resisted...and ultimately fell victim to Harley's pursuit.  His 20% was gleaming like a mo-fo. 

Now, if you're reading this and you haven't seen the movie (God forbid), you're probably wondering, What the heck did Brice have, exactly?  Brice was dedicated and loving.  Brice provided logic and stability.  Brice was cute and corny with a nice bod.  But those concepts weren't enough.  It's one thing to know, another to show.  Judith knew what Brice had for her, but again, Brice got comfortable and did not show her. 

But anyone can get comfortable, and when Harley conquered Judith, his comfort resulted in abuse.  He beat her, he disrespected her, he controlled her.  Judith was just a conquest for Harley, nothing more.  Now, if you know me, I'm not one to victim-blame; HOWEVER, I peeped the warning signs.  In the midst of conquering Judith, Harley let her know in more ways than one that he "loves" dangerously.  He admitted to being crazy!  He did not respect her morals and Christian beliefs.  Above all, he did not give a hot pile of you-know-what for her marriage.  The neon-red warning signs were beaming, but Judith still fell. 

The ending was appropriate, considering the HIV twist.

Beyond the plot, TP stayed true to his morals in the making of this movie.  The movie had sex, drugs, abuse/violence, and profanity, but TP wasn't excessive.  This movie could have been RAUN.CHY.  For example, when Judith and Harley used cocaine, you didn't see them actually snort.  You would see them bend over it, or wipe their noses after, but never actually snort.  Could've been some seriously wild sex scenes and even violent scenes, but TP didn't go there.  Really, he didn't need to.  One could say he played it too safe, but I appreciated the boundaries.  So, two thumbs up in staying true. 

And the movie had its hilarious moments!  You can always count on TP for the funny.

On to the Cons!
The beginning was kind of slow to me.  I feel like too much time was spent on showing the evolution Judith and Brice's relationship.  From the evolution of the relationship (which started at age six btw) to marriage then its stagnant state...It was just too long for me.  Maybe I was just ready for the juice...Don't get me wrong, it was necessary, but lengthy.

Kim K's acting.  I love this woman, but she was just as emotionless as a forehead with fresh botox injections.  I felt like she memorized the lines, but didn't rehearse or attempt to engage the audience through her character.  She was a perfect Ava--an exotic, smart-mouth fashionista--but a little more emotion or personality to the lines would've made me love Ava more.

The movie had some predictable parts.  For example, as soon as Melinda (Brandy) was introduced, I knew she had some relationship with Harley. When she mentioned an abusive ex, I was like, "Yep, Harley's ex."  When Melinda revealed that she had HIV, though?? Definitely surprising. 

I also wish more could've been put into the de-escalation.  Like, I wanted to see a genuine downfall for Harley.  Like, couldn't he have gotten shot? Arrested? Drug overdose? Media humiliation???? I think TP dropped the ball on Harley's character.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie, more so for the message.  Not a typical happy ending, but that depends on the viewer.  There are so many ways this movie could've ended, but I found it to be realistic.  Brice remarried (I don't know many men who would've stayed), Judith came back down to earth, etc.  Nothing too dramatic, just realistic.

But there's my take on it.  I love Tyler Perry, so I look forward to future work.

--DJ

This. Is. My. Year...I've claimed it; I'm living it.

I'll be twenty-five this year.  As with each year, I have promised to live it to its fullest and most fruitful; however, there's something more in my drive this time.  I wake up with more of a purpose....Now don't get me wrong, I can be lazy--and proud of it--but my spirit is always moving!  It's like, I truly feel every moment of the day.  And each time I do, I thank God for it.  As quickly as the year is passing (I know it's only February, but shoot, February came quickly), I can genuinely say, I've felt each day.  I can probably recall something from each daily experience, and that's what I consider living.

This is my year to "Do Me." Embrace my interests, try new things, and do what I want without needing anyone's approval or acceptance. It's so easy to fall into the box "everyone" expects you to live in, but it's a challenge being who you are. It should be the other way around. For some, it is, but for most, it's a struggle.  Disclaimer, I'm very happy being who I am. No one else can do it better than me! But it's hard sometimes, especially when not everyone is your side or feeling what you're feeling. So, with this year, I'm working on making all of that easier! Living care-free and caring less...I'm excited! I don't know how much sense that made...but I don't care. I get me ;-)

So, get ready, get ready. I plan to document this glorious year of mine. The year of the TWENTY-FIVE.

--DJ